Croutons, croutons, crunchy friends in a liquid broth

[girlanachronism]

This is how I feel about swine flu, with the notable exception that, for me, the crisis of today is the joke of today too. You may as well die laughing. And if you don't die, bonus. (Also, exams are coming up, and I haven't started studying because that would entail acknowledging reality. Which I prefer not to do when I can help it. So swine flu, come on in. It's warm and inviting in my lungs.)

And here are 25 things about me that are absolutely, definitely, indubitably and 100% true. For a given value of 'true'. Becausehuntingsnarks , she tags like a ninja.

Write an entry with 25 random things, personal facts, habits, or goals about you.

1. I have been in love with Holden Caulfield for four years.

2. I am 18 years old in the traditional sense. My sense of humour is about 12. My taste is about, oh, I don't know, in the 20's somewhere? If you measure by cynicism I am reliably informed I'm about 45.

3. I love slash.

4. My hair is an independent, sentient entity. We are at war. I assault it with various chemical compounds and in retaliation it eats my combs.

5. I am studying a law/media double degree. I do not want to be a lawyer. I do not particularly want to be a journalist. I quite like the idea of being Noel Fielding, but unfortunately it seems someone has taken that and is doing rather well at it.

6. I am an insomniac. In that bad way where you don't sleep for a couple of days in a row and then act like a real bitch for a week.

7. I need to be loved. By everyone. All the time. It's pathetic.

8. I named my laptop Oliver. After Richard Hammond's true love. Yes, my laptop is named after a car. It has needed a lot of therapy to get over this.  I needed therapy to get over the fact that my laptop was getting therapy.

9. I am a pelican

10. I find accents sexy. I am a sucker for every guy with a cute accent. Especially Irish, Welsh, British or French.

11. I really need a job, but am too afraid of rejection to apply properly and far, far too fussy about where I want to work. Not having a job makes me feel depressed, because it seems like everyone else does.

12. I can make magic swords from shoelaces and green buttons.

13. I have an 18 month labrador puppy and I love her like she's my child.

14. I have a friend who is mental, but in a good way. She honestly doesn't care what other people think, and is a strange mix of rebellious and conservative. She sees things in black and white. I can't see anything but shades of grey. Our main bonding activity is arguing, for hours, affectionately.

15. I have a friend who  is the sweetest, gentlest, most naive darling in the world. We are so close her boyfriend was jealous of me for a while when I came to uni (they're a year older than me), until we bonded over a shared love of the IT Crowd and Boosh.

16. I can make pancakes that travel backwards in time, so I can eat them the morning before.

17. Although I have never had a boyfriend, I am considered the one who is relaxed and comfortable and knowledgeable about sex and sexuality. I get the questions like "but, you know, how would two guys have sex? How would that work?" and "is it weird that I kind of want to kiss a girl once just to try it?"

18. I flirt with people without noticing, which can be really, really bad.

19. I wish I had written Good Omens. Though if I had, there would have been a few extra chapters to do with Crowley and Aziraphale and resolving some of that sexual tension.

20. I'm Australian.

21. I am a fandom hussy.

22. I  collect free postcards and cover my walls with them. One day I will fill my room so full of postcards they will collapse in on themselves, cause a very small, very pretentious and vaguely artistic black hole, which I will I will have to stop up with small handmade felt vampire dolls in order to save the world.

23. Photoshop and I have been involved in what could be called a tempestuous relationship, with much screaming and blaming and hatesex and some very sweet moments where we make up for a little while.

24. The Daily Show is the only reason I know anything about life or politics in the US of A.

25. I invented the interwebs.


Well, if that proved anything it proved I can rant more than is strictly desirable. And I didn't say it, but I think you're all pretty damn awesome... if you have any questions about my ridiculously mundane existence, I will endeavour to answer them in my usual style, which is to say I will sacrifice dignity for truth, and I will sacrifice truth for humour.

Because that is how I roll.

Or just comment to tell me I'm a wanker. That's a pretty fair call, really.

EDIT: This is so, so good. It's funny because it's true.