Dear Jondy Zaltziver...

[girlanachronism]

Dear John and Andy,

Only days after discovering that Tom is headed for certain heatstroke down my end of the world, I turned on the news and discovered that ranting xenophobe politician Pauline Pantsdown Hanson has announced she is moving to Britain.

It is very clear what has happened here, and as a loyal Bugler I feel it my duty to tell you that you are getting shafted. You are sending us a member of the Bugle family and you're getting Nick Griffin without the y chromosome (but with more remixing experience, which I know you like) in return. I can only assume large amounts of alcohol were involved in the decision making process. Or maybe a dastardly but understandable trick by my desperate nation to get rid of her. In any case, surely it's not to late to change your mind.

We'll keep Tom though. He's lovely.