girlanachronism | Whether you buy it or you sell it or you just give it away, it's the same at the end of the day

Meme answers!

This took way longer than it should have, because it appears my brain has taken several months sick leave. I couldn't finish everyone I got given, but I'll post Vince and Howard soon. The TDS peeps are a strange blend of real and character... I didn't realise my mind-canon was such a contradictory mess of ideas :D

(Aaaand...I am so exhausted now, I'm just going to collapse into sleep.)

Jon & Stephen

a) three facts about them from my personal canon/fanon

When it comes to TDS Jon thinks of himself as a benevolent dictator, firm but fair. Really he's more of a mother hen. He always rather liked the leather jacket they gave him on MTV, but doesn't tell anyone that he kept it. Usually his self-deprecation is a defense mechanism, but when he says he believes Stephen has outstripped him he really means it.

Stephen is on a mission to change every single one of his friends ringtones to the Report theme song, but he can't figure out how to get past the passwords on Anderson's blackberry. If Jon hadn't agreed to produce it, he doesn't know if he'd have had the courage to start the Report. Sometimes he'll drive around his house in circles after a show, because there is no way he's walking in to his kids with any of "Stephen" still hanging around.

(b) a reason he/she sucks

The more time passes, the more disingenuous the whole "we just make the dick jokes" thing gets. Jon never asked for responsibility, it's true. But there reaches a point where that just doesn't matter anymore.

Stephen has always craved attention, and in a way, the applause he milks from the audience isn't for "Stephen" at all.

(c) a reason he/she is awesomecakes

It's not just that Jon takes no bullshit, and is quick enough to be a funny and angry enough for it to hurt. It's that he also has empathy, a genuine desire for others to make a good case. And that is the golden combination everyone seems to fall into the trap of underestimating.

It takes one hell of a person to play the role Stephen does and still not be able to hide the simple decency underneath. And while the audience see it in every break, those close to him, the ones who love him, they can't see anything else.

(d) five things that never happened to that character and/or five people that character never fell in love with and why

Jon never expected TDS to last. He never fell in love with Denis, because they weren't those guys, and you can only blame so much on alcohol and joints. He never really wanted to be a psychologist - he barely trusts himself with his own mind, let alone to go rummaging around in other people's. He never fell in love with John Oliver, but at a point in time where Jon is resigned to the fact that he'll lose them all (except Stephen, never Stephen) the Brit has really gotten under his skin.

Sometimes when he sees Stephen he thinks of might-have-beens and different choices. But he knows the difference between "if" and "is", and although it was difficult, he managed to never fall in love with Stephen Colbert.

Stephen never quit TDS, though he came so close, but he had a family and some things were more important than self-respect... and then Jon came along. He never fell in love with Paul and Amy - not either one, in particular, but Paul&Amy, because they come as a unit, and that was always the problem. He never fell in love with Steve, and is glad because he knows if he had it would never have lasted as long as the friendship they have now. He never really knew who exactly decided to invite him to the White House and why they ever thought it would be a good idea, and never really cared.

Sometimes when he sees Jon he thinks of might-have-been's and different choices. But he knows the difference between "if" and "is", and although it was difficult, he managed to never fall in love with Jon Stewart.

Jason & John

a) three facts about them from my personal canon/fanon

Coming from a country whose great comedy duos inevitably share at least one kiss on screen, John has never really understood why Stephen and Jon are so wary of finally bringing their carefully constructed UST to its natural conclusion. He keeps a British flag
across his side of the office ceiling solely to annoy the hell out of Rob Riggle. Andy's number is first on his speed dial, even though it's his friends in America he actually calls, but every time he goes to change it he finds a reason not to.

Jason is a fantastic cook, and likes to make cakes and biscuits for Sam and the kids (he also like to wear the apron later on, when Sam shows him how much she appreciates his efforts). He knows for a fact that all of his wife's underwear fits him, with a little tweaking. When he was in Iran Jon rang three times to tell him that if he wanted, he could come back, and each time he paused a long, long time before saying no.

(b) a reason he/she sucks

Despite every recognition of his talent, every achievement, John never lets up on the self-deprecation. It's more than a comedy kink, but with such a perfect deadpan it's hard to see where the joke ends and the genuine insecurity begins. It can be so infuriating

It's not that Jason doesn't respect boundaries, exactly. It's more that he can't get his head around the concept. And as every single member of the TDS team can confirm, that is not a hyperbolic statement - it is fact, tried and tested. And after decreasingly subtle hints from Jon, long, serious talks with Stephen, an eloquent open letter devised by Rob Corddry and Ed Helms, tantrums from Riggle and John Oliver's carefully laid out digrammatical explanantion of The British Art Of Repression, nothing has changed.

(c) a reason he/she is awesomecakes

Despite every recognition of his talent, every achievement, John never lets up on the self-deprecation. It's more than a comedy kink, but with such a perfect deadpan it's hard to see where the joke ends and the genuine modesty begins. It can be so endearing.

Jason was born with a talent for affection, and if it overflows sometimes, well... that's just the way it is, and if they're honest everyone has come to rely on a hug from Jason on a regular basis. He's a tactile creature, and likes to snuggle.

(d) five things that never happened to that character and/or five people that character never fell in love with and why
John never wanted to be president of the Cambridge Footlights, and was happy to be remain the "Cheney to Richard Ayaode's George Bush." He never fell in love with Jason, but he certainly learned a lot. He never regretted striking, even though he honestly thought for a while there that he'd be deported. He never fell in love with Andy, but he does love him, in a crazily ambiguous way he can't define or defend and doesn't feel the need to.

Jason never convinced Rob and Ed to let him in on a threesome, though not for lack of trying. He never really played by the rules, specifically the ones about coworkers and blowjobs. He never told Aasif that all he'd done with his wife that night was play scrabble. He had never fucked under his bosses desk until he met John Oliver, nor appreciated the beauty of that lull in the office at about 3:45. Jason Jones never loved anyone but Sam.

Pavel & Hikaru

a) three facts about them from my personal canon/fanon

Pavel isn't a normal teenager in many ways, but there's one stereotype he unashamedly fulfills - anyone seeing how much food he can put away in one sitting for for the first time usually has trouble speaking for a while. He's been drinking vodka since he was six and had a lot of fun the night the senior bridge crew decided to get him his 'first real drink'. He knows that anything worth mentioning was invented in Russia - and his frequent reinforcement of these beliefs are in no way a private joke at the expense of just about everyone. Well. Maybe a bit.

Hikaru Sulu is a bit of an amateur card shark, and paid his way through the academy with his poker face. The real reason he forgot to disengage inertial dampeners is 17, heavily accented, has these curls that frame frankly ridiculous cheekbones and is very, very distracting. Hikaru has started naming particularly interesting botanic specimens after crew members, and giggles with Pavel every time the ridiculously fertile Korwinian "Captain Kirk" Stone-Lily crossbreeds with yet another unsuspecting shrub.

(b) a reason he/she sucks

Pavel knows exactly how smart he is, and can't really see the need to make allowances for anyone who can't keep up.

Hikaru knows Pavel brings out the best in him, but he also brings out he worst, and things have turned ugly more than once because he couldn't keep his jealousy in check.

(c) a reason he/she is awesomecakes

As innocent as he looks, Pavel survived being the youngest ever graduate of the academy to become the navigator of the Fleet's flagship at only seventeen - he's tougher than anyone really suspects. And that's why, when Jim is bleeding in Spock's arms and McCoy is screaming at Scotty to get a lock on the away team and the bridge is suddenly so empty, he steps up to the Captains chair and faces down the Klingon commander, bluffing with no cards until reinforcements arrive.

It's quite hard, really, to defend the use of a katana in combat to skeptical men and women trained with phasers from the very beginning. After a few incidents, though, (involving one more than one occasion power-shorting alien energy pulses) he really doesn't have to.

(d) five things that never happened to that character and/or five people that character never fell in love with and why

Pavel never fell in love with McCoy, because he came to terms early with the fact that the doctor couldn't really look at him without seeing Joanna (it was a little insulting, at first, but it made things a lot less awkward when after a particularly disastrous away mission and doped up on ppainkillers, he repeatedly called him 'papa' and asked if he could have a hug). He never fell in love with Uhura, although she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever met, because she berated and joked with him in Russian like the big sister he nevver had. Pavel never loved Spock, because hero worship isn't love, though the day he was taken aside and quietly told that there was no logical reason to blame himself for what happened to the Lady Amanda he came dreadfully close. He never fell in love with Riley because it seemed vaguely incestuous to consider him anything other than a friend. Scotty was sweet, and friendly, and talked to him in a language of maths and interdimensional physics and made him laugh with stories of a misspent youth in Edinburgh, and his affection for the man grew by the day. But he never fell in love with him, because he wasn't Hikaru.

Hikaru never fell in love with Gaila, because he knew it wouldn't do much good - while he respected her attitude towards sex, he always had been an old fashioned romantic. (He put that one night down to the Cardassian Sunrises, and maybe a tiny bit of fascination with the green skin.) He never dreamed of falling for Uhura, no matter how much he respected her (even if he had been interested, the way she and Spock looked at each other was positively dangerous, and only an idiot would get mixed up in that). He never loved McCoy as anything other than a highly dependable drinking buddy (the man had a iron stomach, it was ridiculous). He never loved Scotty, although he trusted him and his intentions towards Pavel for some reason that he could never pin down. He never fell in love with Jim Kirk, not really, because eyefucking on adrenalin after near death doesn't count (though it is apparently enough to warrant an open invite to threesomes with his Captain and CMO). Kirk was a lot of things. But he wasn't Pavel.

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iamashamed.livejournal.com

I love this. It's such a great way to see other people's aspect of the people we love in the fandom<3 :)

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Whether you buy it or you sell it or you just give it away, it's the same at the end of the day

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