LIKE A BOSS

[girlanachronism]

Mr. Colbert, thanks for coming to your performance review

No problem, Jon.

So you're in charge around the Report, is that fair to say?

Absolutely, I'm the boss

Okay, so take us through a day in the life of the boss

Well the first thing I do is...

Greet the Nation (like a boss)
Speak Truthiness (like a boss)
Tonight’s Word (like a boss)
And now a Threatdown (like a boss)

Run for President (like a boss)
Withdraw nobly (like a boss)
Make Huckabee (like a boss)
Fight with Conan (like a boss)

Ask Tad to tumble (like a boss)
Get rejected (like a boss)
Swallow sadness (like a boss)
Blame gay agenda (like a boss)

Grope interns (like a boss)
Be racially colour-blind (like a boss)
Take on NASA (like a boss)
My name’s in space (like a boss)

Harrassment lawsuit (like a boss)
Lose Emmy to Manilow (like a boss)
Stalk Charlene (like a boss)
Send Tad to Alabama (like a boss)

Pull out Sweetness (like a boss)
In my mouth (like a boss)
Oh fuck man I can't fucking do it... shit!
Pussy out (like a boss)

Eating Bobby (like a boss)
Dance-off with Rain (like a boss)
Blow Papa Bear (like a boss)
Score honey-crack (like a boss)

Suck my own dick (like a boss)
Break my wrist (like a boss)
Addicted to painkillers (like a boss)
Barack wearing Wriststrong (like a boss)

Black out in the gutter (like a boss)
Meet the Statue of Liberty (like a boss)
Fuck its brains out (like a boss)

Lose my hair in Iraq (like a boss)
Fly a fighter jet (like a boss)
Crash into Al-Faw Palace (like a boss)
Now I'm dead (like a boss)

Uh huh. So that's an average day for you then, Stephen?

No doubt, Jon.

You fuck the Statue of Liberty and then you die?

Hell yeah

And I think at one point there you said something about sucking your own dick

Nope.

Actually I'm pretty sure you did

No, Jon, I'm not a flag-burning, gay marrying pinko-liberal sexual deviant.

Okay. Well, this has been eye opening for me

I'm the boss

Yeah, no, I got that. You said it about four-hundred times

I'm the boss

Yeah. I got it.

I'm the boss

No, I heard you... uh, see you later

LIKE A BOSS!

Comments

[iamashamed.livejournal.com]

Win. Just. Win<3

[http://users.livejournal.com/_lady_vanilla_/]

You should have seen me in my canteen at work biting my lip trying not to burst out into fits of laughter when I read this. SOMEONE NEEDS TO MAKE A FANVID. =D

[oni-butterfly.livejournal.com]

I just...Wow.

<3

[sirdrakesheir.livejournal.com]

Basically.

[trustingno1.livejournal.com]

Ask Tad to tumble (like a boss)
Get rejected (like a boss)
Swallow sadness (like a boss)
Blame gay agenda (like a boss)

LOL FOREVER <333

[warriorpoet.livejournal.com]

A+ LOLs, would LOL again.

[themistoklis]

*flails a bit*

Oh, this is so perfect. :D

[bigukgal.livejournal.com]

LOL. Thankyou for this <3

[kitsunesan.livejournal.com]

*dies* I LOVE IT! XD Oh HAI, by the way, I decided to come drop a line and ask if you minded me friending you, and then I had to read this. X3 Ugh, the O'Reilly thing though... *shakes head* How Stephen could even joke about that and not feel the need to bathe in acid afterward is beyond me. *shudder*

[cyanfossil.livejournal.com]

I don't even remember the last time I laughed that hard at something on LJ. So full of win. Thanks for the pick me up!